Join Lori as she gives helpful advice on what to do when your disciple is not growing in Christ.
INTRO: Hi Everyone, this is Lori Joiner from LJM Ministries. Welcome to my Podcast where we talk practically about all things discipleship related such as where to find people to disciple, what do to on a typical discipleship appointment, and how to help our disciples grow in Christ. Whether you are just starting out or looking to sharpen your discipleship skills, you are in the right place!
START: Hey friends, it’s Lori Joiner, your discipleship coach!
Just because a person shows up to discipleship time with you does not necessarily mean they are growing spiritually. They may simply enjoy your company and are glad someone will listen to them vent about things in her life.
While we want to be a kind friend, and perhaps counseling is needed, discipleship is primarily meant for spiritual growth. So the question becomes, “What do you do when you are meeting with someone and they don’t seem to be growing spiritually? Do you break up or keep going?”
When you are meeting with a person who does not seem to be growing spiritually, start by discerning what kind of progress you hope to see in their life.
The two goals when discipling another woman are:
1) They grow in Christlikeness over time (in words, actions, character, etc.).
2) They mature to the point of discipling another person.
So the first thing we need to do is evaluate ourselves. We need to take a hard look at our own discipleship efforts to see if we can make any changes or tweaks here. Let’s explore some tools at our disposal to use on ourselves and the discipleship time in general.
1. The Discipler Evaluation. We can self-evaluate our personal discipleship efforts and make changes to increase the quality of our investment in others. We have got to evaluate our discipleship. Are we caring about all aspects of their life, are we opening the Word with our disciple and teaching from a base of Biblical truth? Let’s be humble enough to realize we may be the issue as to why our disciple is not growing as we desire. You can see my blog on this on my website or see transcript notes for a link. "Does Your Discipleship Need a Tune Up? -- Part 1" addresses this.
2. The Discipleship Evaluation. We then evaluate together. Each person answers a few questions about how the discipleship time is going to see where tweaks can be made for the future. Really listen to your disciple here. What are they saying? How are they receiving your discipleship style? What adjustments can you both make to have the time more fruitful? Again, I wrote about this extensively in my blog post "Does Your Discipleship Need a Tune Up? - Part 2." But basically-this is where you BOTH evaluate the time and see what could change or adjust for the next chapter of discipleship together.
3. Grace and Truth Over Time. These are three key components of discipleship. If one is missing, your efforts will stall out. Extend grace (don’t expect perfection ... be a safe person, care). Speak the truth (being truthful about issues, even when uncomfortable, is part of being a discipler). Give enough time for a change. Don’t expect immediate results and look for growth over time. The best thing to do here is to realize where you tend to be naturally when it comes to grace and truth and then make an effort to head back to a balance in this area.
4. Speak the Truth in Love. Our disciple may not know there is an issue hindering their growth if we don't tell them. See chapter 8 of Discipling Women for two helpful sample scripts. Also, I covered this area at length in my last two podcasts (Season 2 podcast episodes 7 & 8).
5. Suggest Growth Ideas. Are we giving them ways to change? Are there suggestions to help them see growth or are we merely pointing out the problems? ("One idea I have for you to help in this area is _______.")
I was talking with a woman I am discipling about memorizing one scripture a week. She said it was a challenge for her as she kept forgetting to look at the verse. I talked about using notecards with the verse written on them and putting those cards in the car, by the coffee pot, etc. Sometimes the simplest ideas we have can be extremely helpful to them.
Ok, so let's turn a corner here When a person is mature and not bearing fruit in the discipleship realm, meaning they are not multiplying their life by investing in another, I would ask why?
1. Do they feel they are not ready? If you feel they are ready, then perhaps they need you to breathe some confidence in them. Perhaps you both disciple someone together to help your disciple see that indeed-they are ready to disciple others.
2. Do they feel they don't have time? Help your disciple see that pushing pause on another area (or delegating or saying no) can free up time for this valuable endeavor. You could explain perhaps what you said no to, to meet with them for discipleship.
3. Other issues that could be causing a roadblock here are-Lack of desire, lack of biblical conviction about discipleship, lack of Lordship with time, not feeling they would be a good example in some area or a lack of an intimate walk with God.
Your disciple may have any number of issues they share with you about why they are not willing or want to meet with others. But the bottom line is that it is a biblical call to help fulfill the Great Commission by making disciples and to teach people what we have been taught. So if a person is unwilling to work through these issues and at least be open to God bringing a person into their lives, your days of discipling them may come to a close until they are ready.
This is what that conversation would look like:
I have enjoyed meeting together these past two years. I feel the best next step for you is to disciple another person as we have talked about. I want to free up time for you to do this. So let’s push pause on our time together so you can use this time weekly to invest in another spiritually.
Or
I have enjoyed meeting together this past year. I feel the best next step for you is to plug into a local church as we have talked about numerous times. I would like to push pause on our time together weekly to give you the margin you need to plug into a local church. Once that is established, let’s meet back up and share about what God is teaching you and the next steps in your walk with Him.
Or
I have enjoyed meeting together this past year. I lead a weekly Bible study that is for women of all stages and walks with God and it would be great to have you as part of that group starting up this next year.
In this scenario-that frees me up to disciple another person that may want to grow and disciple others while this other person continues to grow and come to the place where they want to do that as well.
Question of the Week:
Have you ever discipled a person and they just seemed stuck in their spiritual growth? What did you do about it? I would love to hear how you navigated that situation.
Keeping it Real:
Here is the bottom line. We only have so much time on earth. I could fill my schedule with people that want to sit and be fed the Bible by me. But I need them to eventually GO. Go and help fulfill the Great Commission and disciple others. They need to take what they are learning and pour it into another person. If they, for whatever reason do not want to do that, then I simply want to point them in a direction where they can continue to grow in Christ and hopefully they come to that point in the future. However, I am going to use that time to find those people who are eager to take what they learn and pour it into someone else.
There are people who don't want to multiply their lives, but love being given attention and poured into as a disciple). They want to meet, they want to be encouraged and prayed for, but they don’t necessarily want to take steps of faith.
I tend to navigate them into a situation where they are in a small group Bible study but not getting the lion's share of my time or investment. I pray that they will come to a biblical conviction about discipleship and multiplying their lives into others. As I pray and wait, I dive deeper with others who are hungry to take steps of faith, share the gospel and get in the discipleship boat with others.
Pray: I prayed to close the podcast!